


Fairy Godwriter

by CKM_Writes



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Humor, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 02:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CKM_Writes/pseuds/CKM_Writes
Summary: Rachel's evil husband won't let her go to the ball. Enter her fairy godwriterOrHow the fanfic writer came to ship Faberry





	Fairy Godwriter

**Author's Note:**

> Very meta, very snarky... So pretty much like most of my stories

Once upon a time, there lived a Tony winning actress trapped in a loveless marriage with her director because her writers rushed her happily ever after.

“We’ve been over this Rachel! You cannot attend that party. Richard Drake has been eyeing you for a role and we agreed you would only star in my shows.”

“Actually, I never...”

“Don't you worry your pretty little head, alright? Just rest and take care of that baby you’ve got baking now so we can start on our own. Sounds good, right?”

“I thought we agreed that for my body to recover properly…”

“Now dear, that’s enough of that thinking nonsense. You'll exhaust yourself.” Jesse was out the door before Rachel couldn’t even respond.

She exhaled and deflated as she slid down into her chair, miming the act of melting away into nothing and wishing acting could make dreams come true, then chuckled bitterly and the double meaning under the thought.

A New York sized rat (or maybe it was a cat) moved across the fire escape pulling her out of her thoughts. She picked up a half-finished dress, a costume for a play that Rachel had written. Jesse had convinced her that nobody would ever attend a show about an all-girl collegiate a capella group. (Also that the subtext between her heroine, a moody DJ, and the bubbly team captain was even more overt than Elphaba and Glinda - which was just silly because she’s seen Wicked a dozen times and never once detected any Sapphic subtext at all)

Eventually, the water in her eyes made it such that she couldn’t proceed without repeatedly stabbing her fingers with the needle. It was at this point and perhaps because of her blurry vision that room filled with a dazzling light and a disembodied androgynous voice called out to her. “Rachel, why are you crying?”

“Um,” she started to speak as she wiped her eyes, but the room continued to shimmer. “I’m not crying. All of my dreams have come true I just… Wait! Who are you?”

“I am your fairy godwriter. Rachel Barbra Berry, you have forgotten who you are.”

“I don’t know what you are referring to. I have had challenges and I have adjusted. I don't need anything more.  
“Would the girl who crushed Sandy Ryerson and Sunshine Corazon as ruthlessly as any head Cheerio settle for the boy who put eggs in her vegan hair? I can change your story beyond canon. I can give you a new, happy, and possibly logically consistent life. Things that are impossible on screen I can do with a hand wave. If you could be with anyone, who would you choose?”

“Well obviously I would prefer…”

“Sorry. Sorry, promise I won’t cut you off again. I know he was your first love, but - with Finn’s violent temper and wandering eyes - your story would end up a tragedy and I prefer fluff, though I am not opposed to smut or small doses of angst.”

“What does that even mean?” In the moment, Rachel wished for a target to glare at, instead rolling her eyes. “Are you sure you can help me?”

“Of course, I’m very talented.”

“And modest, too.”

“Naturally, I’m confident. I can bend space and time. Not to mention I can write a 24 chapter novel without any positive response and it doesn’t even drive me to drink … like it used to. Anyway, what do you think of Puck?”

Rachel furrowed her brow in concentration. “Well, he is Jewish. I don’t know. He slept with my mother. I don’t think I can get that thought out of my head.”

“Sure, I get it. Sam?”

“Aww, Sam is so sweet. Hey can you help Sam and Mercedes get together?”

“I can but this is your story, remember? Who else: Artie, Mike?”

“I was never really that close to them, I don’t know.”

“Alright I understand then, Blaine?”

Rachel giggled and smiled wistfully. “That would be kind of dreamy.” But she shook her head. “That ship ran its course, besides Kurt is my best friend and I wouldn’t do that to him. How about Kurt? That could work right?”

“Oh honey,” the bodiless voice faltered, “even I couldn't make Kurt Hummel straight. Do you have any other ideas? I would hate to pair you with a rando original character or some crossover universe.”

“Um well, it's a little embarrassing. Santana already has Brit.”

“Santana, huh? I guess we could shuffle things around. Keep Brit with Artie and put the Changs back together. Sure, pezberry it is!”

“No, that's not it.” Rachel spoke emphatically and with a bit more volume than she intended. “I would never break them up after all they went through. I was thinking of Quinn... She is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Even after my work on Broadway. But she has always been more than that. She is an overcomer. She’s so smart, driven and somehow our voices just fit together... We fit together.”

“Aw, that’s adorable. So what's the problem?”

“I have never heard of two lesbian couples in the same group of friends. Even then, usually one gets killed shortly after they get together. I worry about Brit and San some times. Anyway, it is almost like a law of the universe. I actually find it quite strange since, you know, theatre?”

“Ah, my dear, breaking silly screen rules (and the fourth wall) is what I do best! Now, let's get you to that party. Your Yale graduate princess in shining armor awaits!"

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, comments, help translating the chaos in my mind to something legible welcome. (play nice)


End file.
